Does my writing say more about me than it does?
I suffer an insecure complex about my own writing. I don't think that it is entirely uncommon, it seems like any writer experiences an insecurity about their work. For every artist, uncertainty pervades.
I'm worried about the regular questions associated with whether my writing is good or not. I have a slowly growing portfolio demonstrating that, if not objectively good, at least a couple people have found it good enough to print. Which to me is a huge affirmation already.
My primary strange fear about my writing is that it reveals more about me than the topic I am writing about, god forbid it be personal life. I think I worry about people analyzing what I write and making some prediction or assessment of me through that piece. I feel this with poetry, fiction, non-fiction, essays, everything.
I believe it is because writing has always been a deeply personal activity for me that I use to record my life events. I've journaled consistently for the past six years. Writing so much about my life makes me feel like there is something to pick apart. I protect my writing very closely. I write a lot, but do not share even a tenth of what I make.
This is why I chose to make this blog completely anonymous. I remove names and places so I can assure that no reader will make an assessment about me from what I say here. I feel protected like this.
And yet, at the same time, it feels like a mistake. It feels like I should be transform my energy into something that can get recognition. I should instead post this to a substack and send it to friends and family. Or print it off and mail it to long-distance contacts. But no. Then this vulnerability will become available to analysis...
I'm aware that this probably doesn't come off as very healthy. I love writing and I definitely feel some fear about criticism, only because I feel like my writing IS me.
I'm also aware that other people don't actually think about others very much. Too many people are bothered with their own problems and issues to be concerned with whatever I say. Just another thing to throw on the pile of things to think about.
